


A Dream Outside

by bugmadoo



Series: Robron Week 2017 [5]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Discussions of Bisexuality, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pillow Talk, Roblivion, between Robert and Liv
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:21:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10068896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugmadoo/pseuds/bugmadoo
Summary: In which Aaron and Liv play rock paper scissors for the clear up and Robert and Aaron do some pillow talking. A domestic night with Robert, Aaron and Liv.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Robron Week Day 5: Pillow Talk  
> Title from the debut album from a band called Gengahr (check them out they're the perfect soundtrack for this fic!)
> 
> Pillow talk is basically my middle name so I' excited for you guys to read this

“Rock, paper, scissors for the cleanup,” Liv says, already holding her fist over the middle of the table, her eyes darting back and forth between Robert and Aaron.

Robert exchanges a knowing glance with Aaron but keeps chewing his food, raising his eyebrows at her expectant face.

“Hold your horses, Liv,” Aaron says, mouth full, and Robert tries his hardest not to pull a face. “We’ve not even finished eating yet.”

“Well, come on, it’s between you two anyway, and I’ve got somewhere to be.”

“Why are you so sure you’re going to win?” Robert asks.

“Because I know your tells.”

“Oh,” Robert grins, “we have tells now, do we?”

Aaron huffs a laugh and shakes his head. “This isn’t poker, Liv.”

“Maybe not,” Liv says and Robert is surprised for half a second that she seems to agree with Aaron on something, “but it’s about the washing up and that’s just as serious as poker.”

Robert looks up from his plate, seeing Liv grinning from ear to ear. He throws a glance at Aaron to see him rolling his eyes while looking entirely too fond. _Well, that’s that_ , Robert thinks and leans back in his chair, crossing his arms, just waiting for Aaron to comply like he knows he will. Aaron keeps his eyes on Liv while blindly shoving his last forkful of mashed potatoes in his mouth, trying to keep a neutral mask on his face but Robert sees the cracks very clearly. He fights the smile that wants to spread on his lips and watches has Aaron puts down his fork and holds out his fist over the table.

They both turn to look at Robert expectantly.

“I cooked,” Robert says, lifting the palms of his hands, “I don’t have to do the cleanup.”

Aaron immediately accepts the excuse with a shrug and a smirk but Liv’s eyebrows raise up on her forehead in alarm.

“Since when’s that a rule?” she protests, scowling and looking entirely too much like her brother in doing so.

“Since always,” Robert says, trying to look as little smug as possible. He knows that if Liv had her way he’d be the one cleaning up every time, so him voicing a good excuse this time must overthrow all of her carefully crafted plans.

Liv’s eyes find Aaron’s in a very obvious attempt at swaying him against Robert, and he has to admit that for a second, he considers sending a short prayer to whoever is willing to listen in the hopes that Aaron will hold the fort. He almost feels bad about doubting Aaron, but Robert himself knows what kind of powers of persuasion lie in Liv’s pleading eyes if she wants them to.

“He’s right, Liv,” Aaron says, shrugging again as if there’s nothing he can do about it. God, Robert loves him.

“But he always cooks!”

“Exactly,” Aaron says, meeting Liv’s eyes, “and most of the time he also does the dishes. We can give him a break from time to time, right?”

There’s a hopeful little smile tugging on the corner of Aaron’s lips and if it was any other time, Rob would already be kissing it off his lips.

Liv looks considerably less excited about the prospect of playing rock paper scissors for cleaning duties, partly, Robert thinks, because him dropping out raised her chance of it being her and partly because it’s not going to be Robert who once again stays back in the kitchen while Aaron and Liv get cozy on the sofa like they do almost every night.

Huffing, Liv props her chin on the heel of her hand, and Robert thinks she looks younger than she suddenly looks younger than she did a minute ago.

“Come here then,” Aaron says, once again holding out his fist. Liv joins him and they finally battle it out. Aaron rock, Liv paper. Robert groans.

“Told ya, I know your tells,” Liv says, the grin back on her face. Robert finds he can’t complain when both Aaron and Liv are grinning the way they are.

Robert stands up, gathering his plate and glass, and leans down to kiss the top of Aaron’s head before he puts his dishes in the sink. Together, Robert and Liv clear the table while Aaron gets started on the dishes and the scene is so familiar and familial, Robert thinks it’s one of his favourite parts of his day.

Liv leaves the kitchen as quickly as she can get away with and disappears somewhere out of his sight, presumably upstairs into her room. Robert squats down to get a clean kitchen towel from the bottom of the cupboard next to the sink.

“You’re alright,” Aaron says, shaking the suds off his hands, before grabbing the towel out of Robert’s hands. Why Aaron still won’t use gloves to do the dishes, Robert really doesn’t know. “Go sit down, you’ve been standing all day.”

“It’s fine, I can-“

“Robert, go sit down, put your feet up, and let me deal with this.” Aaron smiles in a way that lets Robert know that this is Aaron trying to do something nice for him without making it too obvious, so Robert stops the urge to fight him on it and kisses Aaron instead in silent thanks.

He sighs deeply when he finally sinks to the cushions of the sofas, doing just as Aaron said and putting his feet up, closes his eyes and crosses his arms. For a moment, he doesn’t move, listening to the clatter of Aaron in the kitchen, the dim voices waving in from the pub, the ticking of the clock on the wall. Sitting there, he realizes how tense his shoulders feel and that he’s been pulling his hands into fists the entire time. Robert puts a conscious effort into relaxing, takes a deep breath and opens his eyes. He leans forward to grab the remote off the coffee table, turns on the TV. Zapping through the channels, he feels himself come down, the tiredness he’s been able to suppress so far coming back stronger, but he doesn’t even waste a thought on going to bed before Aaron does.

He doesn’t really care on which channel he lands and barely paying attention to the documentary about whales that’s casting a wave of blue over the screen, when his peace gets interrupted.

Liv unceremoniously drops herself on the sofa next to Robert, already dressed in her pajamas, a book in her hand.

“Thought you went upstairs?”

“Well, I came back, didn’t I?” she says, grabbing the blanket from the back of the couch, tugging on it and sending a pointed look at Robert when it doesn’t come free from behind Robert’s back immediately. He leans forward and is surprised by the mumbled _thanks_ he gets in return.

“What’re you reading?” Robert asks her, unable to resist the curious look.

Instead of answering him, she throws the book in Robert’s lap, tucking the blanket around herself and getting comfortable. Robert takes a second to appreciate that it’s not a hardcover but a paperback and picks it up, turns it around to inspect the cover. It’s a copy of _The Picture of Dorian Grey_ and it looks bright enough that it could be new but there are dog ears on several pages and the spine is bent. He flips through the book once and sees there are actual annotations written in the margins. Robert is starting to doubt it’s Liv’s copy even though the scribbles look like they are Liv’s handwriting.

“I didn’t even know you could read,” Robert teases, “let alone make annotations.”

He hands her the book back and Liv sends him an angry glare in response. Robert smiles apologetically and turns back towards the telly. The sharp looking teeth of a killer whale are the first thing he sees and in a matter of two minutes he learns that killer whales in New Zealand actually hunt sharks by herding them to the surface and striking them with their tail flukes. It looks pretty cool as far as Robert is concerned.

“Have you read it?” Liv asks and it takes Robert a second to catch up to what she means. He didn’t expect her to pick up the conversation.

“Yeah, several times actually.” He keeps his eyes focused ahead of himself. “It’s one of my favourite books.”

“Wanted to ask you something,” Liv says in that quiet tone of hers that means whatever she has to say is either important or embarrassing.

Robert sits up straighter and turns his body towards Liv. She glances at him but doesn’t meet his eyes. Worry fills him instantly and he thinks about calling Aaron over for a second before realizing there must be a reason why she’s talking to Robert rather than Aaron.

“Today in English we were talking about the book and … about Dorian. You know and we were talking about his character traits and such.”

Liv looks at him as if she expects him to catch on to what her point is but he just doesn’t. “Right, and?”

“Well, someone brought up the fact that Dorian is probably gay.”

Robert raises his eyebrows. “But he’s pretty deeply involved with Sybil in the beginning, isn’t he?”

“Exactly!” Liv replies and Robert thinks he’s seeing real excitement on her face. It makes it hard not to smile. “So the entire class had this discussion about whether he’s gay or straight, but he – he could be like you, right?”

“Like me?”

“Yeah, you know. Bisexual or whatever. He could like both men and women.”

There’s uncomfortable heat creeping up from underneath the skin of his chest up to his throat, like it’s coming to choke him. He tries to contain his body’s treacherous reaction as much as possible because he knows it’s fine, he _knows_ Liv is just stating facts, she’s not criticizing him, in fact she’s asking him for his opinion, but it does little to calm down his rapidly rising heartbeat.

He hasn’t actually said it out lout to anyone but Aaron before and Liv has caught him off guard. It’s fine, he repeats to himself, it’s fine.

“You -,” Robert starts but stops again to clear his throat, “you want to know if I think Dorian Grey is bisexual?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Robert begins but he doesn’t really know what to say. Of course he’s thought about it, how could he not. He always thought that there was more than one parallel between him and Dorian Grey but it not like he’s ever admitted to that out loud. But this is Liv, he reminds himself, she’s just curious, she’s not set out to harm him. He takes a deep breath.

“He very well could be. Obviously it’s not explicit in the text but if his feelings for both Sybil and Henry are genuine then yeah, why not?”

“He does sleep around a lot though,” Liv says, biting her lip, “I don’t know if you can talk about feelings.”

“Right. There don’t have to be … proper romantic feelings or whatever just,” Robert surprises himself by how much he’s scrambling for words, “attraction towards both genders counts.”

Liv seems satisfied with his answer so she turns around, back towards the TV where the whales are singing.

Robert takes a deep breath, releasing the tension he hadn’t noticed sitting on his chest. His hands feel clammy and he stretches them as discreetly as possible. He didn’t expect this. The topic of his sexuality rarely ever comes up so he gets why Liv asked. She’s young, of course she’s curious, but Robert doesn’t know if this was just her way of asking him about it or if it was truly about the book. Either way it doesn’t matter he supposes. The conversation was half as painful as he might have expected.

“Alright, I’m sick of those whales I’m going to bed,” Liv says suddenly and throws her blanket over Robert’s head. He sighs and doesn’t move immediately.

“Goodnight, Aaron,” Robert hears Liv say.

“Night, Liv,” Aaron replies and Robert finally gets himself free of the blanket.

When Robert looks up again, Aaron is leaning against the kitchen counter, looking at Robert with his arms crossed, his eyebrows furrowed. The expression only lasts a second until it morphs into something softer and fonder, and Robert can’t help mirroring the look on Aaron’s face.

“Come here,” Robert says, cocking his head. He brushes his hand through his hair to at least maintain some kind of order even though he’s going to bed soon anyway.

Aaron sits down right next to him even though there’s plenty of space now that Liv is gone. Robert lifts his arm so he can wrap it around Aaron’s shoulders, this thumb brushing over Aaron’s collar bone, as Aaron rests his head on Robert’s shoulder. The gesture makes Robert smile since Aaron usually doesn’t do this, seek out Robert’s touch, unless they’re in the comfort of their own room. Robert feels warm in a way that doesn’t entirely come from the warmth of Aaron’s body next to his.

Catching the end of the whale documentary, Robert has to admit that the blue whale is neither badass nor interesting enough to hold his attention when Aaron is sitting right there. He leans his head on top of Aaron’s but it doesn’t take long until his eyelids start drooping lower and lower. When the credits roll, Robert kisses Aaron’s temple which earns him a sleepy smile from Aaron.

They don’t need words to decide that it’s time for them to go to bed, because Aaron just grabs Robert’s hand and together, they walk upstairs, Aaron heading for the bathroom and Robert for their bedroom. He undresses quickly and puts on a fresh t-shirt to sleep in before joining Aaron in the bathroom.

They stand next to each other in front of the sink, both brushing their teeth, their eyes meeting in the mirror. It effectively turns into a staring contest when Aaron knits his eyebrows and puts on his most serious expression. Robert has to laugh after five whole seconds because Aaron’s face looks hilarious in combination with the white toothpaste framing his mouth. Robert leans down and braces himself on the edge of the sink, trying to contain his laughter because Charity’s room is right next to the bathroom. He doesn’t want to summon Charity’s wrath at this point of the night or they’ll never hear the end of it.

Back in their bedroom, Aaron undresses while Robert pulls back the duvet and gets into bed himself. He reaches over to turn off the lamp on Aaron’s bedside table and leaves on his own just so he doesn’t get robbed of the sight of his fiancé bending over as he takes off his jeans. Robert isn’t in the business of denying himself the simple pleasures in life.

Aaron shakes his head but smiles when he realizes what Robert is doing and crawls into bed, lying down on his side and facing Robert. After quickly turning off the light, Robert does the same.

In the dark they map each other with their fingertips. Robert’s thumb brushes over Aaron’s eyebrow, over his temple, and finds his lips without fail, having memorized the planes of Aaron’s face plenty of times before. His fingers run down further, finding the dip between Aaron’s collar bones right – there – and runs his thumb down further on top of the cotton of Aaron’s t-shirt. He stops his hand over the steady beating of Aaron’s heart and closes his eyes, the steady rhythm reassuring, confirming that Aaron is indeed still right here next to him.

Aaron’s feet are cold against Robert’s calves and he almost jumps at the unexpected contact. Robert hears Aaron huff in what is probably amusement and he feels Aaron’s warm breath brush across his chest. It’s quiet in their bedroom, but it’s comfortable between them, an understanding of sorts, that sometimes words aren’t necessary.

Even though his day has been long and he feels tired enough that he could drift off to sleep right now, Robert fights it, not wanting to fall asleep before Aaron does. Then he remembers one thing he hasn’t done yet today.

He cups Aaron’s cheek with his hand and bumps his fingers into Aaron’s nose at first since the night around them isn’t even illuminated by the moon or any of the street lights outside. He kisses Aaron’s knuckles in a silent apology.

“Did you have a good day?” Robert asks.

Aaron nods but stays silent otherwise. He does take Robert’s hand and tangles their fingers with each other, however, and Robert thinks that is answer enough for now. Aaron is the type to prefer non-verbal communication most of the time. Robert usually prefers real words but being with Aaron has shown him the appeal.

Until he met Aaron, time was another aspect that Robert never knew the real value of. His life has always been hectic and busy, every minute filled to the brim, until Aaron somehow figured out how to slow down Robert’s life, to make it feel like he’s in a vacuum where time doesn’t exist and he can finally take a breath. Having the luxury of spending as much time as they want to on each other is something Robert never thought to appreciate before. It’s just one thing on a list of many he’s grateful to Aaron for.

“Did you-,” Robert says, trying to pick up the conversation again, “did you hear what Liv asked me earlier?”

Robert only knows that Aaron is nodding because his hand is still resting on Aaron’s neck. He frowns. Aaron’s silence feels different from before and Robert can’t tell if he’s just imagining it or not. It bugs him because being able to read Aaron is usually one of his strengths.

“Alright?” he asks, keeping his tone as light as possible.

“I want this forever,” Aaron whispers into the darkness. Robert isn’t sure if he’s just imagining it but he thinks Aaron’s words cause goosebumps to run down his forearm.

Robert gently bumps their noses against each other and squeezes Aaron’s fingers between his. Robert’s smiling when he replies, “Me too.”

They aren’t touching in many places but Robert can still tell that Aaron tenses. The last words he said run through his mind, already asking himself what it is that he did or said wrong. He comes up empty.

“What?” he asks, the room feeling a lot less comfortable than a minute ago. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Aaron says.

In the darkness, Robert can’t tell if it’s just his mind playing things up or if there really is a slight tremor in Aaron’s voice. He wants to make sure, wants to turn on the light and chuck it up to paranoia. What he does instead is hold Aaron tighter so that he knows Robert’s there.

“You sure?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just cold,” Aaron replies, shrugging. Robert suspects it’s just an attempt at diversion on Aaron’s part, but he still tugs on the duvet and tucks it in tighter around Aaron, then moves closer towards him so they can share his body heat better.

“You know you can talk to me, Aaron, right?”

Aaron is silent for a while and Robert wonders if he’s ever going to get an answer. He has half a mind to turn on the bedside lamp so he can at least find answers in Aaron’s face. He discards the idea because that would require moving away from Aaron.

“It’s just,” Aaron starts saying eventually, and he sounds close to tears, “I love you, Robert. And I don’t – I don’t ever want to lose you.”

The answer surprises him a little but he accepts it still. “I love you too. And you won’t.”

“Yes, I will.” Aaron’s answer comes quickly. “One day I will.”

It’s like a thousand red flags going up. Robert feels gobsmacked, lost for words, his mind uselessly spitting nothing but white static at him. His mouth opens as if he is going to say something but nothing comes out, like a fish out of water, he suddenly feels catapulted out of his element. What hits him the most is how utterly sure Aaron sounds and that’s something Robert’s brain can’t compute.

This time it’s not a question of turning on the light, so he reaches out his hand quickly and when he turns back towards Aaron he wants to kick himself for not doing it sooner. Aaron’s eyes are rimmed red, frown lines prominent on his forehead, and he’s biting his bottom lip so hard that it’s redder than usual.

His first instinct is to take Aaron in his arms, reassure him with words and kisses, but he’s done that before and it doesn’t seem to have had much effect. The white static lifts in favour of thoughts flying back and forth faster than Robert can make something out of them. There has to be a reason, a cause for this, there has to be the appropriate phrase for him to say, there has to be something he can _do_ , but he just doesn’t know what it is.

So Robert takes both of Aaron’s hands in his and simply looks at him, studying his face.

Aaron can’t hold his gaze for more than a few seconds before he looks down, looking at their hands. A tear escapes Aaron’s eye and Robert brushes it away.

They just lie there and Robert wants to say something, demand answers, let out his confusion, understand why Aaron sounds so sure, but he doesn’t. He can see that Aaron is trying to collect himself, taking deep breaths, squeezing his eyes shut, so the urge never makes it past an impulse. Robert hopes that if Aaron calms down, they can talk about this properly.

“Where’s this coming from?” Robert asks tentatively, the ice feeling thin under him.

“Nowhere,” Aaron says, rubbing a hand over his eyes, “forget I said anything.”

Aaron takes his hands back and is about to turn around but Robert grabs his arm and stops him. He thinks that maybe he shouldn’t push when Aaron is so clearly upset by something, but Robert knows that if they don’t talk now this now, it will just be swept under the rug, locked in a vault, the key thrown away.

“Please talk to me, Aaron.” He tries swallowing past the lump in his throat. “Something’s up, please tell me.”

“I’m just always so scared of losing you,” Aaron whispers, voice raspy and unsure.

A shiver runs down Robert’s spine and he forgets to breathe for a moment.

Robert is frozen into place, his eyes darting all over Aaron’s face, unable to comprehend. He wants to protest, wants to tell Aaron that that’s never going to happen, wants to wrap his arms around Aaron and not let go, never let go.

“Why-,” Robert clears his throat, “why are you scared?”

“Everybody always leaves.”

“I won’t,” Robert whispers, their foreheads touching, “I promise you, I won’t.”

“You can’t guarantee that, Rob,” Aaron says, sniffing his nose. “If life has taught me anything, it’s that nothing good ever lasts for me.”

Aaron’s eyes are closed by the time he finishes speaking, eyes squeezed shut, the horizontal lines on his forehead even deeper than before. Robert brushes his thumb over them in an attempt to chase them away. The lines stay put.

“You still don’t get it, do you?”

At this, Aaron’s eyes fly open, his eyebrows raised in question. Robert thinks about his words for a second before he continues.

“All my life I made compromises for my happiness. I always had to hide to fit in, I never let anyone get to know the real me, Aaron. Until you. You’re the first person who saw me, saw all of me, the bad and the good and _stayed_. I spent so many years of my life trying to find a place I belonged in and I finally did. I _trust_ you. That’s -“ Robert can’t help but smile, “it’s a feeling like nothing else I’ve ever felt. And now that I have this, I wouldn’t give it back for anything, Aaron.”

Robert’s fingers find Aaron’s ring finger, the engagement ring reliably resting there, and starts fiddling with it. It’s too big for Aaron’s finger but Aaron had fought him tooth and nail about getting it adjusted. He lifts Aaron’s hand to his lips and kisses the top of the ring, meeting Aaron’s eyes as he does.

“So if you want to be sure about one thing,” Robert says softer now but still as certain as before, “be sure about my place in your life, alright? I wouldn’t risk this for anything, Aaron. I love you.”

Aaron looks at him full of hope for a second, and Robert wants to kiss him just to emphasise everything he just said, when the expression vanishes from Aaron’s face and scowl is back. Aaron looks back down.

“What?” Robert asks, lifting Aaron’s chin. He’s biting his lip again so Robert pulls it free.

“But you’re bi, Robert, and I -“ he takes a deep breath, “I can’t be both.”

“I don’t need you to be, Aaron. I don’t need you to be both, I need you to be _you_. That’s enough.”

“How?”

“Well, it’s not about the gender, it’s about the person,” Robert says, his voice picking up volume without his permission. “I’m not attracted to people based on what’s between their legs.”

Aaron still looks skeptical and it feels like an earthquake in his chest.

“Just look at it like this: out of all the people I could have been attracted to, all the women and all the men, you’re the one I want. You’re the one I chose. The only one. It’s not a competition, Aaron. Nobody can compete with what I feel with you.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Aaron says, soft and quiet, as if he’s trusting Robert with a secret.

Robert smiles, but it’s a sad one. “I know,” he says, his thumb brushing over Aaron’s nose, “that’s why I’m going to tell you every day until you believe me.”

He feels a bit helpless when Aaron stares at him, his forehead free of wrinkles now, his expression thoughtful.

“I guess…” he says, playing with Robert’s fingers, “I guess if you just stay here and keep staying here then … one day I’m gonna believe you.”

Any emotion that isn’t utter devotion and love for Aaron is swiped away and all Robert can do is lean forward until he brushes Aaron’s lips and they meet in a kiss that’s reassurance and thanks in one.

“Then that’s what I’m going to do,” Robert says, brushing his thumb over Aaron’s cheekbone.

**Author's Note:**

> [me on tumblr](http://softrobertsugden.tumblr.com) come say hi!


End file.
